OK, I Just Have To Write About It! “Mental Illness & Guns”

Hello and Welcome Readers & Friends,

 

Now many of you know I suffer from a few mental health issues and disorders, so when I seen this story on the web, I thought to myself,…..hhhhmmm, “Is this going to be another story of undiagnosed mental illness of a mother going ROGUE and killing her children? Even though this is my writers blog, I also write about mental illness and childhood abuse here too, because writing is writing no matter what the topic. So here is what I read on the web this morning..

MOTHER Held on suspicion of killing of 3 daughters…( Courtesy Of The AP )
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Los Angeles County sheriff's deputies block off the scene of a triple homicide that occurred in the unincorporated area of Los Angeles, Calif., on Tuesday, May 20, 2014.: Los Angeles County sheriff's deputies block off the scene of a triple homicide that occurred in the unincorporated area of Los Angeles, Calif., on Tuesday, May 20, 2014.
AP Photo: Steve McCrank, The Daily Breeze Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies block off the scene of a triple homicide that occurred in the unincorporated area of Los Angeles, Calif., on Tuesday, May 20, 2014.

TORRANCE, Calif. (AP) — A mother was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of killing her three young daughters, the youngest only 2 months old, authorities said.

Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies were called to an unincorporated area near this Los Angeles suburb shortly after 5 p.m., a Sheriff’s Department statement said.

“When they arrived, they were met by family members who told the deputies that a mother had killed her children,” the statement said.

Deputies found three girls, a 3-year-old, 2-year-old and 2-month-old. They were pronounced dead at the scene.

“The deputies were directed to the house by the grandmother,” sheriff’s homicide Lt. Dave Coleman told the Daily Breeze of Torrance (http://bit.ly/1lNJP1U). “We did find the babies inside the residence.”

Carol Coronado, 30, was arrested on suspicion of murder, taken to a hospital for examination and then to a sheriff’s station for booking. Authorities say she made no statement.

Neighbor Ashley Madrid told the Daily Breeze that the children’s father was working on his car across the street when his mother-in-law discovered her daughter and the three children in a pool of blood on a bed.

“I saw when they were bringing him out,” Madrid said. “He was crying. He was crying, ‘She killed my daughters!'”

Madrid said she was told the mother had a kitchen knife in her hand and was trying to cut her wrists.

Sheriff’s deputies took the mother, who was naked except for a blanket, to a patrol car and she was then placed in an ambulance, Madrid said.

“She was full of blood on her face and arms,” Madrid said.

Madrid said the children’s grandmother told her that, ” the woman had called earlier in the day and said that she was going crazy.”

So I ask the question again? Will this be another mental illness killing?
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See, those who struggle with mental illness like myself,  this is a topic that needs to be talked about, written about, and blogged about in order to ‘Raise Awareness’ of how broken our mental health services & systems are in this country! I advocate, and I speak out, and write about this. I blogged a while back here on my blog about the difference of mental health services I’m receiving here in Arizona, compared to the services I was getting back in So. Oregon where I relocated from due to my husband’s job 8 months ago. In Oregon, my primary care doctor handled all my mental health services, screenings, and my meds. But here in Arizona, the law requires, due to health insurance requirements, that mental health services need to be handled not by the primary doctor, but through a Mental Health & Behavioral Center with a psychiatrist and therapy councilor. They monitor my meds, progress, and help with life skills, and they send all info to my new primary doctor here. They handle all my evaluations, blood work, and more.

So I wonder why other states can’t do the same? Arizona should be a model of ‘How Right They Have Mental Health Services” in this country. And to take it one step farther, I feel the government could use the ‘DATABASE’ of the states mental health systems, if they were modeled after Arizona’s, to then use it for a form of screening of NO GUNS or weapons allowed to be sold to those under current care by a doctor with mental or emotional illness & disorders. It may just cut down all the tragic loss of life by suicides, and less loss of innocent by standers getting killed in the process by people who are mentally ill. Yes, I’m very aware of “The People’s Rights to Bare Arms” as the constitution ~ 5th amendment gives them that right, but I feel it should not give that right to a person who is mentally ill. And I do believe these past few years of tragic loss of life by GUNS PROVES this POINT.

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I mean come on now,….lets BE REAL about this issue and problem! For those who want to stick to ‘The Right To Bare Arms NO MATTER WHAT,’  let me ask you this? If your loved one was mentally ill, would you go purchase a gun and let them have it in good conscience? Would you? How about if your child or spouse was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and a person shot them in a mentally ill or suicidal rage and taken from you? I think you’d seen the other side of the coin, that’s what I think. What about all the families and ones who have already died because of this scenario, from these tragic shootings of late? Would you still let a mentally ill person buy a gun? I think I made my point. Look, I’m not down on people protecting their property and families with having guns for protection, that’s a No Brainer!

What I do advocate for, is those who have mental health illness & issues should NOT.
It’s just that SIMPLE…..
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I guess only time will tell when we here about the facts behind what made this woman want to kill 3 innocent children. In the meantime? I will continue to write, blog, share, advocate, raise awareness, and help Shatter The STIGMA of Mental & Emotional illness & STILL NO GUNS PERIOD….

God Bless All,
Author, Catherine Townsend-Lyon
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0984478485

 

“Holy Great Expectations”! ~ A Daily Prompt Post

Hello Writer Friends, And Welcome New Readers,

 

Great Expectations

Tell us about one thing (or more) that you promised yourself you’d accomplish by the end of the year. How would you feel once you do? What if you don’t?
http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/great-expectations/

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Has there ever been a time in your life that you had big plans, or maybe some Great Expectations  of goals to accomplish today, tomorrow, or even this year? Well when you live with Bipolar Depression, PTSD, and Agoraphobia with Panic disorder, it’s even harder to accomplish those life goals,….BUT ONLY IF YOU LET!
I refuse to be a victim, nor do I let my mental disabilities hamper me from reaching for the stars! And accomplish my “Dreams & Goals.”

I remember how I felt when my current book got picked up by a publisher, and my expectations for the book being put out into the world as the next NY Times best seller! Man did that expectation pop in an instant. LOL. But, it did get published So I was excited when I got the first copy of my paperback book in my grubby little hands, that I did a Happy Dance of a bunny hopping around after drinking a Red Bull!! There are no words to describe the feelings of accomplishment. So one bucket list goal off my life list, and now two more to go! But this time around, writing seems to be taken me a wee bit longer to get these two books written and finished. The honeymoon period of my first book is over, and now the hard work has been almost done with the next two, but I’m having a hard time getting my endings down and done so to hopefully get them out by this late fall. Another Great Expectation.

Many know I also live life in recovery from addicted gambling & alcohol consumption for over 7 years now, and you have no idea how many great expectations we have in recovery, especially in early recovery when we get some clean time and then have a lapse, or relapse.
It’s like disappointment after disappointment. Expectations take on a whole new meaning. Not until we do the work on the inside of ourselves can we begin to recover. Our loved ones also seem to put many expectations on us when we are in recovery. That can be hard on us who are trying to stay recovered. But my point in this is that when we live “In The Moment,” and “One Day At A Time,” in recovery and in life, not only can we meet all our expectations, but we are actually LIVING OUR LIFE! Stress, worries, thinking about yesterday or tomorrow will not let our expectations happen, as we are not focused on today, in this very moment in time, to be in the now!

Learning this in recovery and in treatment & therapy has enabled me to accomplish most all of my great expectations so far. Again, when my first book came out, it truly was a work of a power greater than myself. All I did was let the powers at be guide me when the words of my book came pouring out of my heart and soul into white paper with lines. Yes, I wrote all my words to my book by hand in 5 notebooks of paper, and 2 pencils. Once I started writing I could not stop until all the terrible, ugly, darkness I went through with my addiction was all out of my soul. Until I felt I could actually see on paper with my own two eyes. Then?…..That was that.|

That part of my life was over. Made my amends to myself. That was Jan. 2011, and on Nov 26, 2012 on my 50th birthday I had my very first published book in my hands. I felt like one blessed girl. I can’t tell you how many blessings given, and how many doors have opened since then.
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One of the biggest, hugest, greatest expectations of my life had just transpired. What’s the moral of my story? Never give up on those Great Expectations of life. Always shoot for the stars! No matter how long it may take you to achieve what you want in life, always know we all have it inside us to do what ever we want. May God Bless You with all your Great Expectations in Life!
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Author, Catherine Townsend-Lyon

“JUST TWEET IT BABY”! Use Twitter As Part Of Your Author Book Promotions And Social Media Marketing Plan…

Hello and Welcome Friends, Writers, & New Visitors,

 

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Yes! That’s right. My opinion is….”Just Tweet It Baby!
Not many know that I have self-taught little ole me all about “Social Media & Book Promotions,” and it’s not easy. Social Media is forever changing and evolving, so keeping up on all the latest “HOT PICKS” is a job in itself. For me though, that’s part of the fun of learning new things about Social Media Marketing!
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So I thought I’d share a few things I found out about Twitter.com that I didn’t know before, and want to share some of their other services that enhance your Twitter experience, and save you time in the process. Now since I’m not an actual business, with a virtual store front. No, I’m just a penniless first time author promoting my paperback & eBook,  as to help others in Recovery from Gambling Addiction. I also share about living with undiagnosed, and then diagnosed Mental illness & disorders, as well as speak out about my own childhood trauma & abuse here on my blog. I share what I went through not as a victim, but as a survivor to let others know they are not alone, and help is available with NO Shame attached.  So I use Social Media to share information, educate, inform, and raise awareness of these important issues. And I use Twitter as part of my messaging this info out into the world!

Twitter has actually come a long way to helping many of us share information in a quick, short informative posts! Only 140 characters to be exact,…Lol,  but the hard part is to build your following of followers, so others will network with you in the form of Re-Tweets, Favorite your tweets, and share them with other tweet peeps!
For me as a person in Recovery, and is important to do, I use many HashTags#  in all my tweets to get my information to the targeted readers who maybe interested in what I’m tweeting about. I love to interact with others, and I try to show that too in my tweets as well. Why not get a reaction? Nothing wrong with that. It helps to create a “Buzz in Tweet World”!  Most all my tweet services I use are free, save you time in posting tweets, and you get a longer exposure time of your single tweet. For me that’s all things recovery, and all about my book and where they can find it, and learn where to visit me on both my blogs and Social Media sites. Come follow me on Twitter here,  @LUV_Recovery  &  @kitcatlyon….

One of the awesome tweet tools I use is here at: http://www.twilk.com/ where you can go and display your Twitter Supporters & Followers as your background of your twitter profile. It’s really fun to do. It shows you CARE about your tweet pals. Another great service for Twitter is http://www.commun.it.com/
Here is a little more about how you can use Twitter in many ways, and about how Commun.it helps you keep track of your peeps who interact with you!
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Discover more

Twitter is the best way to connect with people, express yourself and discover what’s happening. Get started at discover.twitter.com.

Take Twitter with you

Go to about.twitter.com/products to get Twitter on your mobile device.

Marketing with Twitter

Dig into targeting, analytics, promotional tactics and marketing tools.Who will you reach on Twitter? How will you reach them? How can you tell if you’ve done a good job? Target with precision, connect directly with your audience and make sure you hit the mark.

Here’s how:
Here’s more:

Depression Can = Suicide So The Time Is Now To Talk About It.

Welcome Friends And New Visitors,

 

*WARNING* ~ Content may not be suitable for young kids.


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No, I’m not trying to SHOCK anyone, but another suicide has happened in Hollywood. A well-known director has committed suicide, and it happens to be due to mental illness of severe depression. When will this stop? When will this loss of precious life end? How can we reach out to these people who suffer from depression and help save their lives? Many of us who have mental illness and disorders like myself, understand how depression can get so dark, that many consider the option of ending ones life. We feel so hopeless, so down and full of fear and doubt, even when good things are happening in our life, sometimes it isn’t enough to push away the darkness we seem to not be able to get out of…
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WENN / Malik Bendjelloul
Report: Director Bendjelloul committed suicide
By MALIN RISING , Associated Press
Story Courtesy Of AP…
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STOCKHOLM (AP) — Malik Bendjelloul, director of the acclaimed “Searching for Sugar Man” documentary, was widely known for his enthusiasm, kindness and high spirits — so the news Wednesday that he had taken his own life shocked colleagues around the world..
Malik Bendjelloul
Bendjelloul’s brother Johar Bendjelloul told Swedish daily Aftonbladet that his 36-year-old younger brother committed suicide Tuesday after struggling with depression for a short period.
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“Life is not always simple,” Johar Bendjelloul was quoted as saying, adding that receiving the message that his brother had committed suicide was the worst thing he had ever experienced.

“I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know,” he said.

“It seems so unbelievable,” Chinn told The Associated Press over the telephone. “I saw him two weeks ago in London. He was so full of life, hope and optimism and happiness, and looking forward to the future and future collaborations. We were talking about working together and talking about specific ideas, so the idea that he is no longer is just too hard to process.”

The soft-spoken Bendjelloul worked as a reporter for Sweden’s public broadcaster SVT before resigning to backpack around the world. He got the idea for “Searching for Sugar Man” during one of his trips, but it would take him more than four years to complete the film.

SVT’s culture chief Eva Beckman said his death was incomprehensible.

“One always says it is unbelievable when a young person dies, or when anybody dies, but it is even more unbelievable with Malik,” she said Wednesday. “Malik was simply such an incredibly alive person.”

Beckman also praised Bendjelloul’s strong storytelling skills and his willingness to experiment with new formats.

“What really set him apart from everybody else was his passion for storytelling. He was a fantastic storyteller,” she said.
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This really is a sad story. What I just don’t understand many times when these tragedies happen, how can the people closest around you not see any WARNING SIGNS? That truly is the most baffling to those left behind. Many who have never been touched by mental and emotional illness and disorders just don’t seem to understand how others can take their own lives. Depression alone is hard, and can take you to such dark places that we feel the only way to get out of this dark fog, grasp at the clarity of life that we feel it’s our only way to “Sanity & Freedom” from blackness. I know, as many of you know I attempted suicide twice, but I was the lucky one. The guy upstairs told me I had too much to do to help others from this same fate.
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Just being able to talk about it, and looking back, I didn’t realize how painful it is to our loved one’s and friends around us, as they are the ones to have to pick up the pieces and try to make sense of it all after the person is gone. Later, as I got properly diagnosed, and reading my journals back in those dark days that seemed to never end, that’s when I realized how selfish I had been. We don’t mean to be this way, it’s the illness that gets to us. Even when I was starting recovery from my addictions, it didn’t seem as severe as my depression and agoraphobia.
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So once I started on medications to help, I started feeling more even with my moods and my thoughts.  I still struggle on some days, but that is the nature of this beast. It comes in waves, like a cycle. Learning to journal how you feel each day, then look back at them each month, really helps me to see when I do seem to get or be in a cycle. We can than use “Life Skills” we learn to work through them. But for some, even that is too hard to do when you’re in full-blown severe depression.

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*BE ALERT TO WARNING SIGNS*
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This picture above is an excellent warning sign. WHY?  If a loved one goes out and gets Life Insurance for no reason, or spur of the moment? Start asking questions. I say this because of being in recovery, many who have addiction problems and are in recovery actually DO THIS. I remember listening to one man in my “Gamblers Anonymous” meeting speak about his past “Suicide Plan.”  It really touched me. He had gambled a long time addictively.  He said he had went and bought a life insurance policy for a large amount. He was into gambling games like Dice, Poker, and Roulette. He said, “once he lost the SAME AMOUNT as the insurance policy he purchased, he then planned to commit suicide, so his wife wouldn’t be broke because of his addicted gambling addiction.” The insurance money would cover all his gambling loss’s so his wife wouldn’t HATE him when he was dead. I just sat there listening to his story and couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
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That was a pre-planned SUICIDE I was listening to! I was taken aback and shocked to say the least, that someone would actually think something like that through. I got goose bumps just hearing him speak each word. Now I understand many who may read this, may still not understand why with just depression, that a person would want to take their own life. Let me share a little research I found about just how bad depression can get for some of us…

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Definition of depression (n)

Bing Dictionary
  • de·pres·sion
  • [ di présh’n ]
  1. sadness: a state of unhappiness and hopelessness
  2. psychiatric disorder: a psychiatric disorder showing symptoms such as persistent feelings of hopelessness, dejection, poor concentration, lack of energy, inability to sleep, and, sometimes, suicidal tendencies..
  3. Common symptoms of bipolar depression include:
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    • Feeling hopeless, sad, or empty.
    • Irritability
    • Inability to experience pleasure
    • Fatigue or loss of energy
    • Physical and mental sluggishness
    • Appetite or weight changes
    • Sleep problems
    • Concentration and memory problems
    • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
    • Thoughts of death or suicide


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    Signs And Symptom Of Severe Depression:

    In the past, bipolar depression was lumped in with regular depression, but a growing body of research suggests that there are significant differences between the two, especially when it comes to recommended treatments. Most people with bipolar depression are not helped by antidepressants. In fact, there is a risk that antidepressants can make bipolar disorder worse—triggering mania or hypomania, causing rapid cycling between mood states, or interfering with other mood stabilizing drugs.
    Despite many similarities, certain symptoms are more common in bipolar depression than in regular depression. For example, bipolar depression is more likely to involve irritability, guilt, unpredictable mood swings, and feelings of restlessness. People with bipolar depression also tend to move and speak slowly, sleep a lot, and gain weight. In addition, they are more likely to develop psychotic depression—a condition in which they’ve lost contact with reality—and to experience major disability in work and social functioning.
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    Treatment Options For Depression:
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    If you spot the symptoms of bipolar depression in yourself or someone else, don’t wait to get help. Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away; in fact, it will almost certainly get worse. Living with untreated bipolar disorder can lead to problems in everything from your career to your relationships to your health. Diagnosing the problem as early as possible and getting into treatment can help prevent these complications.

    If you’re reluctant to seek treatment because you like the way you feel when you’re manic, remember that the energy and euphoria come with a price. Mania and hypomania often turn destructive, hurting you and the people around you.
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    Bipolar disorder requires long-term treatment. Since bipolar disorder is a chronic, relapsing illness, it’s important to continue treatment even when you’re feeling better. Most people with bipolar disorder need medication to prevent new episodes and stay symptom-free

  4. There is more to treatment than medication. Medication alone is usually not enough to fully control the symptoms of bipolar disorder. The most effective treatment strategy for bipolar disorder involves a combination of medication, therapy, lifestyle changes, and social support.
  5. It’s best to work with an experienced psychiatrist. Bipolar disorder is a complex condition. Diagnosis can be tricky and treatment is often difficult. For safety reasons, medication should be closely monitored. A psychiatrist who is skilled in bipolar disorder treatment can help you navigate these twists and turns…
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    *Bipolar Disorder and Suicide*
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  6. The depressive phase of bipolar disorder is often very severe, and suicide is a major risk factor. In fact, people suffering from bipolar disorder are more likely to attempt suicide than those suffering from regular depression. Furthermore, their suicide attempts tend to be more lethal.
  7. The risk of suicide is even higher in people with bipolar disorder who have frequent depressive episodes, mixed episodes, a history of alcohol or drug abuse, a family history of suicide, or an early onset of the disease..


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So I hope I’ve been able to help educate, inform, and shed a little light about depression disorder, and to know there is NO SHAME in asking for help from this destructive mental illness and disorder. There is now so much more information and helpful resources about severe depression that we should be able to help those who feel they have no options of living with severe depression. Here are just a few websites where you can get informed about depression, and how you can help. Half the battle I feel is being informed about it, and to get timely diagnosed and treated…
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http://www.mayoclinic.org
http://www.thenationalcouncil.org
http://www.suicide.org/depression-and-suicide.html

Homepage

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Phone Number
1-800-273-8255
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My Thoughts and Prayers to The Bendjelloul Family & Friends
God Bless All,
Author, Catherine Townsend-Lyon

 

 

 

 

 

 

“New Life Recovery Outreach of E. Lansing, MI Is Doing Awesome Work! A Message To Parents About Drug Addiction”…

Hello Friends and Welcome Visitors,

 

Today’s “Guest Blog Share” is by a wonderful recovery friend of mine, “Aaron Emerson” and his dad “Wes Emerson” at “New Life Recovery Outreach,” in East Lansing, MI…
They help & support ” Families Against Narcotics (FAN)- www.familiesagainstnarcotics.org ” and are involved in other Christian outreach organizations like them, who try to keep kids safe from drugs. And this blog post today on their website from Aaron’s dad Wes needed to be shared to all parents whose kids have been touched by drugs. It’s a hard road, and one I’m sure none of us want for our children to go down, and that is why I’m “sharing” Wes’s post of advise on how to talk to your teens.
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I myself would like to take it one step farther and ask parents to also talk to you teens and your college age kids going off, or back to campus. A growing number of college young adults are becoming “addicted & problem gamblers” at an alarming rates! Of the current 17+million problem gamblers in just the US alone, half that number is now YOUR High School and College age young adults. That to me is just UN-ACCEPTABLE!  How do you feel about that? So not only do you worry when your kids leave the house is they will be pressured into drinking or introduced to drugs, but now you have to worry if they are gambling as a fast past time in their dorms. The good news is, many colleges and universities are trying to help students through offering many addiction & recovery resources through the schools “Counseling & Mental Health Services” on campus. So when you do give your young adults, “The Talk,” please include the dangers of gambling.
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So here is a special message for parents from “Wes & Aaron Emerson” of New Life Recovery Outreach, and more of how they help others!
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Hello, my name is Aaron Emerson and I am a recovering heroin addict. I am the founder of New Life Recovery, and here is a little about my story:
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Dad and Me New
*Aaron Emerson and his father, Wes Emerson*
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New Life Recovery is an outreach of New Life Fellowship that was started to spread hope to drug addicts and their families, educate the public on the effects of addiction, and prevent drug use in our youth.  We accomplish this through various methods:

Blog-This is where we share our story in detail and write about our struggles and triumphs dealing with this deadly disease.  It is written by Aaron Emerson(recovering heroin addict) and his father, Wes Emerson.  There is a form down below where you can subscribe to our blog for free and get all of our posts and updates sent directly to your email, or just come check them out on here!

Speaking Engagements-This is where we go to schools, churches, or anywhere else interested in our presentations and share our story in person.  We educate people on the disease of addiction and how it can affect anybody in any walk of life.  We also talk to youth about addiction and it’s effects on the lives of people who use drugs.  Contact us if you are interested in scheduling a presentation if your in the Lansing, MI area…

We also do everything we can to help support addicts and their families and help them find recovery.  We help them find resources in the community and can refer them to professional Recovery Coaches who will offer the help, assistance, and tools needed to find recovery and build a new life. We also work closely with the Ingham County Chapter of Families Against Narcotics where family members of addicts, recovering addicts, the professional substance abuse community, law enforcement groups, medical professionals and anybody else interested join together to offer support, group forum activities, resources and anything else needed to help addicts and their loved ones.

Subscribe To Our Blog

The Not-To-Do List

By Wes Emerson

5-4-2014
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Every now and then, a parent will ask me what they should do in response to their child’s drug use or addiction.  Looking for step by step instructions to get their kid off drugs, they assure that I, the father of a now recovering heroin addict, have the answers they need.  Even though we went through seven years of active addiction, I have to admit that I still find this question hard to answer.  Drug addiction is so powerful and every case is different.

As I reflect upon Aaron’s addiction, I realize that we didn’t always do the best things or the right things as parents.  Sometimes we just didn’t know what to do.  Often times we did things that, in retrospect, probably prolonged Aaron’s addiction.  Confused, scared, heart-broken, angry, frustrated…we made mistakes along the way.  And so, from my experience, I have composed a “not-to-do list” with the hope that you can gain insight in your struggle with a drug addicted loved one.  This list is derived, not entirely from my misguided actions, but also from things I have observed other parents do.  So here it goes…the NOT to do list!
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  1. Don’t be ashamed to use the word “addict.”  Many parents are living in denial in regards to their child’s drug use.  They know there’s a serious problem going on, but cannot bring themselves to admit that their beloved kid is an addict.  Addict is a term we refuse to use because it has a negative, degrading sound to it.  This is really a form of pride.  If someone is using drugs despite continuing negative consequences, they are an addict!  But we, in our attempt to preserve our own and/or our child’s dignity and reputation, are ashamed (or too proud) to say, “My son/daughter is a drug addict.”  In the first couple years of Aaron’s drug use, I couldn’t bring myself to call my son an addict.  I loved him, and I just didn’t want to refer to him that way.  Then, as the war worsened, I learned that shame and pride must be put aside.  Drug users live in daily denial of addiction.  If we, their parents, are also in denial, how can they ever reach recovery?
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  2. Don’t blame yourself for your child’s addiction.  When a young person turns to drugs, it is very common for parents to shoulder the blame, believing that the addiction is a direct result of something they did wrong.  This results in unbearable grief and self-condemnation, and often results in the parents tolerating their kid’s addiction or not holding them responsible (wrongly thinking that it’s their fault, after all).  As you may know, I was fired from my position as Pastor at a local church in Mason after 14 ½ years, placing my family in a “homeless” situation for the next year and a half.  It was during the aftermath of my firing that Aaron plummeted into heavy drug use.  Though I knew my firing was not warranted, I couldn’t help but feel responsible for Aaron’s addiction.  “If I hadn’t been fired,” I thought, “Aaron would not have started using drugs.”  When we began attending Al-Anon meetings, one phrase kept being repeated, almost week after week: “You didn’t cause it…”  Eventually, I came to the realization that this is true.  I didn’t cause my son to become a drug addict.  Don’t blame yourself parents.  You will be better able to help your child when you are released from self-condemnation.
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  3. Don’t think you can change your addicted loved one.  While some parents blame themselves for their child’s addiction, many others think that they can “make” their kid stop using.  We resort to harsh words, threats, even physical altercations in an effort to “change” our kids, and in the final analysis, we discover that we are powerless to change the addict.  I tried everything I could think of to reach Aaron, and discovered it was futile.  Drug addiction is a disease-a disease that we as parents have no power over.  The change has to come from within the heart of the addict.  They have to reach that rock-bottom point in their lives where they truly want to seek recovery.  Until they get to that point of desperation, there is little we can do to “change” them.
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  4. Don’t be an enabler.  One common trait that parents of drug addicts all share is that of enabling our children in their deadly pursuit of drugs.  We are bewildered, we love our kids, and we find it hard to say no.  Just to keep peace in the family, we find it easier to give in to the drug addict’s demands, and, thus, enable them to continue in their deadly course.  While you can’t change your addict, there are some steps you can-and must-take to stop enabling your child to use drugs.

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For starters, stop giving money to your drug addicted child.  So many times, Aaron would come to us for requests for cash.  Addicts will tell you that they are going to the movies, out to eat, to a recreational activity, etc.  The money will ultimately be used instead to purchase drugs.  Or, they may tell you that they owe money to a dealer for a previous drug purchase and have to “pay up,” or else.  For years, I am ashamed to admit, I fell for these lines and gave my son money, which was in turn, used to buy drugs.  In giving my son cash, I enabled him in his drug addiction.

Another form of enabling is allowing your child to drive your vehicle.  If you know, or even suspect, that your kid is using drugs, simply say no when he or she asks to take your car to get together with friends, go to the mall, the movies, etc.  For years, I gave my son access to my car, which resulted many times in a bad ending.  In giving my son use of my vehicle, I enabled him in his addiction.
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Another form of enabling involves rescuing your child from rehab.  In some cases, young people are court-ordered to rehab.  In other instances, they are taken to rehab by their parents.  Quite often, the addict will flee from rehab, and, ultimately, call their parents, asking them to come and bring them home.  We found ourselves in this stressful situation many times during Aaron’s seven year battle with addiction.  Looking back, he simply was not ready or willing to seek recovery.  Sad to say, we went out and picked him up from numerous locations and brought him back home.  In doing so, we enabled our son to continue in his life of addiction.  Therefore, parents, I urge you to say no.  Do not pick your son or daughter up if they flee from rehab.  This is very hard to do, but if you cave in to their demands, you are enabling them, pure and simple.
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  1. Don’t bail an addict out of jail.  Ultimately, drug use and/or addiction will result in the offender’s incarceration.  Jail, as I have written previously, is a terrible place.  Incarceration is not a remedy for drug addiction.  Yet, time behind bars can be an eye-opening experience for some people.  During the course of Aaron’s 7 year battle with addiction, we did not bail him out one time when he was incarcerated, despite his pleas for us to do so.  I do believe that his time spent in jail over the years finally was one motivation for him to turn from the drug lifestyle.  We simply refused to bail him out, though our hearts were aching for our young son.  On the contrary, we witnessed other parents of young addicts step in, repeatedly, bailing their children out of jail, not allowing them to endure the consequences of their lifestyle.  Lawyers were hired, strings were pulled, and their drug addiction continued on.  If your son or daughter is in jail due to drug offenses, don’t bail them out!  They may thank you later on.
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  2. Don’t hesitate to hold your child accountable.  If your son or daughter is living in your home and you suspect or know that he or she is using drugs, it is imperative for you to hold them accountable.  You must make it clear that drug use will not be tolerated in your home.  It took us a long time to start exercising tough love-a very difficult thing to do as loving parents.  I hated doing what I’m about to suggest, but we did some things out of love in an effort to hold our son accountable.  Periodically, conduct a search of your child’s bedroom or vehicle.  If you have concerns when they come home, check their pockets, wallets, purses, or belongings.  If he/she says he’s going to the movies or such outings, ask for receipts or ticket stubs.  When your car is driven, write down the beginning mileage before they leave and the ending mileage upon their return.  You can also keep track of your child’s cell-phone calls-who they are calling, who’s calling them, and at what time.  Phone activity can tell you a lot.  This may sound like detective work, and I guess it is, but if you don’t hold your child accountable, the odds are that their drug use will continue to increase.
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  3. Don’t try to weather the storm on your own.  If your son or daughter is in addiction, you need support from others who are dealing with this terrible epidemic.  Many parents, for whatever reason, are choosing to stay in the closet and are suffering alone.  Please, do not isolate yourself in this trying time.  There is support available: Families Against Narcotics, Al-Anon, and in some locations, Nar-Anon groups meet regularly with the sole purpose of providing encouragement, guidance, and hope to people trying to cope with drug addiction in the family.  Remember, millions of people in the U.S. are struggling with the same issue as you are, and fellow sufferers can relate and understand what you are going through.  You can’t change your addict, but you can get help for yourself.  So step out and get help for yourself.  You will be glad you did.
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  4. Don’t give up on your addict.  At this point in your struggle, you may feel that there is no hope for your addicted child or loved one.  Nothing, to this point, has gotten their attention and he/she continues to follow the path of self-destruction.  You are ready to throw in the towel and give up on them.  We were nearing that point with Aaron.  I didn’t think he would ever change.  I was almost ready to give up on him, fearing he was destined for prison or death.  But we continued to love him throughout those 7 long years.  We remained in his corner.  And then finally, when it appeared there was little hope for recovery, miraculous things began to happen.  Aaron finally turned away from drugs and today he is almost 1 year clean!  We refused to give up on Aaron, and I urge you, don’t give up on your child or loved one.  If you, the parent or loved one of an addict give up and turn your back, who else do they have?

I, the father of a recovering addict, am a graduate from the school of hard knocks.  I have learned, from my own mistakes as well as the errors of others, what “not to do” when addiction strikes home.  It is my sincere hope that these 8 “Not-To-Do’s” will be helpful to you, and I pray your loved one will see the light and seek recovery before it is too late.

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God bless you all,
Aaron & Wes Emerson
New Life Recovery Outreach
http://www.newliferecoveryoutreach.org
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“My Special Guest Author Interview Is With “Rhonda Sellers-Elkins” And Her New Book Release Of, “My Bright Shining Star”…

Hello And Welcome Friends, Readers, And New Visitors,

 

It’s my pleasure to share with you a good friend of mine who just become a “New Author”!  Please meet Author, Rhonda Sellers-Elkins and her new book release titled; “My Bright Shining Star:” A Mothers True Story Of Brilliance, Love & Suicide….

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Rhonda and I met through WordPress where we both have our blogs. I remember the first time I came across her blog, and her story about the loss of her beautiful daughter Kaitlyn. I was so inspired by her words, and how she was able to share such a painful experience with all of us through her blog posts that I became to admire her and her courage. We visited each others blogs many times and quickly became fast friends. Her daughters story really touched me, and many of her blog readers. I could relate to her feelings about the loss of her daughter,  as I had two failed attempted suicides myself from undiagnosed bipolar depression and a gambling addiction.

Her sharing taught me to see what others who are left behind from such a tragic event feel and go through when you lose a child.
I don’t know if I ever mentioned that to Rhonda before, but sharing her story of how to move on, to get through each day with keeping your head up and courage in your heart, I have learned so much from Rhonda. Now, in keeping Kaitlyn’s beautiful memory alive through her new book, I know this has been a “Special” accomplishment for Rhonda, and a “Tribute to Kaitlyn”…
Here is a little more about Rhonda and her new book!
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OUT THE AUTHOR:
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Rhonda Elkins lost her 23-year-old daughter Kaitlyn to suicide 4-11-13. The fact that Kaitlyn took her own life was horrible enough, but the fact that she never displayed signs of depression her entire life made it even harder to understand. She was a 3rd year medical student and was doing very well in school. After Kaitlyn’s death Rhonda began writing about her grief in her blog and after a time decided to write a book about her daughter to tell the story of her daughter and to bring out the fact that there can be hidden depression in highly achieving young people, a fact she did not know until her daughter’s death.

Rhonda lives in North Carolina with her husband Allyn. They have two cats, Dagny, and Kaitlyn’s cat Gatito who they adopted when Kaitlyn died. They also have another daughter, Stephanie Alford, and a son-in-law, Steve Alford, who also live in North Carolina. Rhonda is a registered nurse, but at the time of this book’s publication has not returned to work since Kaitlyn’s death. She is an advocate for suicide prevention.
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ABOUT HER  BOOK: http://www.amazon.com/My-Bright-Shining-Star-Brilliance-ebook/dp/B00JBMLXTA/ref=tmm_kin_swatchh_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=8-1&qid=1398705187
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To all that knew her, Kaitlyn Elkins was a happy, intelligent, compassionate and extremely talented young medical student with a bright future ahead. However, beyond her warm smile and string of impressive achievements lurked a dark secret-depression; something she hid so well from all those that knew and loved her. This is the story about a mother’s quest to find some answers as to how her daughter, who seemed so happy on the outside, could hide such a dark, horrible depression that ultimately lead to her suicide.
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It is a story about her wonderful daughter’s life, the lives she touched, the search for answers, the stigma of mental illness, the great love and deep bond they shared.  The book also incorporates insightful experiences from other depression sufferers, contributions from some of Kaitlyn’s friends, and views from medical professionals.  This heartrending memoir of love also serves as a caution to parents, teachers, counselors, and young people that depression can lurk among the high achieving, that they hide it expertly, and if not reported and treated, can lead to suicide.  It is a warning to everyone. 


Here is what readers are saying in All 5 Star Reviews!
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This review is from: My Bright Shining Star: A Mother’s True Story of Brilliance, Love and Suicide (Paperback)   Hope in the wake of loss, March 26, 2014 

“Though a beautiful life was cut extremely short, this story of a mother’s love uses the pain of that loss to provide both a beacon of hope to others who suffer from depression as well as provide warning signs to those who might not be familiar with depression themselves. I especially loved reading the personal stories from outsiders, most notably other medical students. The deadly nature of depression is a very real thing, and it goes unnoticed so frequently. It is my sincere hope that those who read this book will be able to see that there is always another option and that there are others who are suffering from the same affliction. It is not something that should be ashamed of, and the pain that results from the loss of a loved one is unbearable. Please, give this book a chance to touch your heart.”
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This review is from: My Bright Shining Star: A Mother’s True Story of Brilliance, Love & Suicide (Kindle Edition)Heart-rending, beautiful, and important,  March 29, 2014

“This book is a mother’s heart-rending, beautiful tribute to her daughter. I wish there was no need for this book, but given the circumstances, this story is important on both the personal and community levels. Still in the depths of grief, the author felt compelled to speak out about the stigma of mental illness. Her daughter never asked for help or gave any indication that she felt suicidal. I know that this book will help many people speak up and speak out. Kaitlyn’s brilliance will live on in her family’s love.”
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As many of you know when I have an “Author as my Guest,” I only ask them TWO questions of them. Here is my interview questions I asked of Rhonda, and her answers and thoughts…
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1.)  Since we follow each other from your beautiful blog, I know more than my readers about your life. But what made you decide to write and share your personal story in book form

 From the very day I found out about Kaitlyn’s death, I shared her death of Facebook to let her friends know who I had no other way to contact.  From that moment on, I got a great deal of responses and condolences and stories about Kaitlyn from her friends and many people I knew and did not know.  After that, in my horrible grief, I had no outlet for my grief except for crying almost nonstop and going through her things and touching them and remembering the wonderful girl who was my daughter for 23 years. I began to post on Facebook about my daughter and my horrible grief and confusion about why such an exceptional young woman could take her life.
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You see, she was brilliant, sweet, very accomplished, graduated valedictorian of her high school class, graduated summa cum laud from Campbell University in two and a half years (instead of the usual 4 years it takes) with a degree in biology. After a few months she was accepted into Wake Forest School of Medicine in Winston-Salem, NC, to pursue her lifelong dream of becoming a doctor. She was happy.  Always said and seemed to love medical school and was doing well in it, as well as her busy life.  She kept her body fit by eating healthy, exercising and running. She had run a half a full marathon only months before. She never showed signs of depression in her entire life and was a model daughter and student.
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Then on 4-11-13 she took her own life, leaving a note to us that she had been depressed all her life and hid it from us to protect us from it. She never told anyone and never sought help. So after writing on Facebook I started a blog devoted to writing about my daughter and that horrible thing that took her life, depression, by way of suicide.  Not long after that, I decided to write a book in the hopes that Kaitlyn’s story will help those people out there that are like my daughter; highly driven, intelligent, but hiding a deep depression that may take their life if not treated. So many highly achieving young people never seek help for their depression and never admit to it for a variety of reasons, the stigma of mental illness being one of them.   It’s also for parents, counselors and teachers so they will know of this often silent killer of our young people.  My book is to honor my daughter, tell of her life and suicide, and to provide some insights into how such a thing could happen. It is also a warning.
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2.)  Even though your new book has only been out a short time, has there been any one thing that has surprised you since the release?

There has not been anything that has really surprised me, but I am very pleased about the very positive reviews that it has received so far.  I was hoping so very much that it would do what I intended my book to do, and by reading the reviews it seems to be doing so.

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A Tribute To Rhonda’s Beautiful Daughter “Kaitlyn Elkins”…

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So I want to share a little of what Rhonda confided in me that many may not know about her and Kaitlyn. She wanted me to pass on to my readers and friends thoughts that are important to her and all who may suffer from Mental illness and Depression.
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“For those of you that have not yet read my book, I would like them to know that I suffer from depression myself and have for years.  My children have always been aware of my depression as I have always sought help for it.  However, Kaitlyn never shared her depression with me or anyone else and never sought help.  I do a whole chapter in my book on what I experienced with my own depression as well.
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I want to Thank my friend and New Author, “Rhonda Sellers-Elkins” for letting me introduce her to all of you here, my friends, readers, followers, and new visitors! She a woman “Brave, Beautiful, and Strong” for all she has gone through and endured the last year or so. She is an inspiration to all parents who have had the heart break of a suicide or loss of their grown child. We all know it’s unnatural to mourn the loss of a child before ourselves, but sharing her story is going to help others get through their own loss.

I’m at the same time so “HAPPY” for the release of her new book, and all the 5 Star Amazon Reviews tells me that she just may have a Best Seller on her hands! If you would like to buy a copy today, which I highly recommend, and visit here websites too, here is where you can find Rhonda Sellers-Elkins. I have her book on my GoodReads Book shelve already and can not wait to read it!
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AMAZON BOOK SITE:
http://www.amazon.com/My-Bright-Shining-Star-Brilliance-ebook/dp/B00JBMLXTA/ref=tmm_kin_swatchh_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=8-1&qid=1398705187

SHE IS ON GOODREADS:
http://www.goodreads.com/RhondaE

BOOK FACEBOOK PAGE:

https://www.facebook.com/kaitlynstar

MY BLOG:
http://welding81.wordpress.com/

OFFICIAL WEBISTE FOR THE BOOK:
http://welding81.wix.com/rhonda-elkins
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Email Contact:

welding81@intrstar.net
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And As Always, let Rhonda know Author, Cat Lyon sent you!
God Bless All and Thanks for the Visit,
Author, Catherine Townsend-Lyon
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>Thanks Rhonda! Your Guest Author Post helped me make a New Milestone here on WordPress!
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