Writing Challenges

What Is It Like Living With Mental Illness? ~ 3 Words……

Catherine Lyon Author/Writer Writing Challenges ,

yeah write #143 weekly challenge is open for submissions: personal essays and traditional blog anecdotes –

MY THREE WORDS……

People ask me a lot, what’s it like living with Mental illness? I can only tell you what it’s like for me as a Writer, Author and Blogger living with Mental illness. As those who do suffer mental & emotional disorders, we all come from many different types, levels, & paths of this illness. For some, it can be a disease that’s passed down from one genetic family generation to the next. Mental illness can come from brain conditions or injury’s from a traumatic experience like mine, or brain injury like how many of our Armed Forces came home with. Some are from sports head injury’s that we read about of sports stars today. Some can be disorders like PTSD, OCD, or ADD, or some are born with mental disabilities, maybe missing brain or body chemicals. Like I said, we all come from many circumstances.

Mental and emotional illness & disorders can touch anyone. Just like me. I spent the first 40 years of my life I thought, as a normal woman. Living and working each day like everyone else. But I always had these feelings in the back of my mind, at times I didn’t “FEEL” like myself. I’d get depressed and hide in my room as a teenager. Like I didn’t belong or fit in anywhere. Then, these high feelings of endless energy, not much sleep, and I was always THE  fun, vivacious, out going person as an adult. But, at 40 my life changed. It was in that year I also became addicted to gambling. Video poker/Slot machines became my best friend.

At this time, all my feelings the trauma and what happened to me as a little girl started to resurface, as I stuffed them SO DEEP inside me that I hadn’t felt them for years. That all changed when my brother-in-law died in 1992 of cancer. You see, he was the only one I told about what happened to me as a little girl. When my brother-in-law passed, all those ugly feelings came back, and I started using gambling to hide from all those old wounds & pain to the point I became addicted to gambling.

My moods became like “Dr. Jekyll & MR. Hyde.” Then, my mind went BLACK! Like it went void. I don’t remember driving myself  home from a Casino, or remember calling my councilor who was helping me with the grief of my brother-in-law, and my addiction. All I know is what I was told by the policeman who was standing by my hospital bed when I woke up, that I had tried to cut my wrists, as they were bandaged and small cuts everywhere.

I tried to take my OWN LIFE! Needless to say, my Doctors and Mental clinical staff found I was suffering from “Bipolar 2 with manic depression, Panic with Agoraphobia, OCD, and Anxiety, and started on Meds. I believe, GOD was with me that day. I wouldn’t be writing my experience with you today if he wasn’t. What’s it like?

“It’s like watching life outside my window happen without ME in it.”

MY 3 Words?…FIGHT ~ STIGMA ~NOW!
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Go for the Gusto's photo.
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*UPDATE~~THANKS TO ALL WHO CAME AND SO*……
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Congratulations on getting 20 total likes on Just A Recovery Author Learning To Be A Better Writer.

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**COULDN’T HAVE BEEN SO WITH OUT ALL MY PALS & NEW VISITORS** XoXo  *CAT*

DP Challenge Accepted ~ We All Are Winners Money Or Not!

Catherine Lyon Author/Writer Writing Challenges ,
Daily Prompt: You’re a Winner!

You’ve just won $1 billion dollars in the local lottery. You do not have to pay tax on your winnings. How will you spend the money?

Well of course many of you know already, I don’t “Gamble”….
And I don’t want to be a “Debbie Downer” for all the rest of you fabulous people who enjoy spending a little for a chance at your piece of fortune. Sadly, the odds of winning a “Lottery” win- fall is so great that you would most likely have a better chance at getting hit by lighting, then you would winning a “State Lottery Draw Jackpot” . . . .


I spent many years employed in the “Banking” field, and oddly enough I had the good fortune to meet, “TWO” separate lottery winners in my home state of So. Oregon. I have to say though, both stories are true, and a bit sad. The first bank clients that won Oregon’s “Megabuck” lottery were an older couple, and good clients of mine. They had bought their winning tickets at a “Albertson’s” grocery store, where they shop at weekly.

She told me that she has a set of numbers she used for each weeks draw, and it was the winning ticket that won. They came into to the bank and asked if I could help them invest the some of the money, and set them up with our “Investment Specialist,” so I made them an appointment.A month or so went by, and I seen them in the bank again. She gave me the sad news that her husband was just diagnosed with MS.

They then came over and sat at my desk and told me the difficulties they have been having ever since winning their money. That their kids were all fighting because “They” didn’t “Share Enough” of the winnings with them. She then told me how all their friends and family were making them feel like “THEY” have changed since winning, but that it was the other way around. So they put their house up for sale, sadly they were moving to Carson City, NV  . . . .

They were having a house built there that will have special features so it would be a safe place once her husband became wheelchair bound with having MS. And, that was the last time I saw them. So it made me wonder about winning the lottery.

Then the following year, a young man also had won our Oregon lottery “Megabucks.” and had won $2.1 Million. He took his in a lump sum payout. I know this because he came to my desk with the check. The check, after tax was $885,000.00. He worked at a Hotel & Restaurant and ran the food service for the convention center of the hotel. His name was Steve, and he was only 24 years old. Of course he did what any 24-year-old would do if winning a lottery, he paid his mom’s house off, bought himself a new car, truck, jet-ski, and a boat!

I did open him a checking account, a money market account too. Just the interest alone from the money market was netting him in interest monthly, $2,800.00. That was more than he was making at his job, so he quit his job. What a mistake that was, because then came all the trips to “Reno and Las Vegas.” Then came all the relatives and friends out of the wood works that he didn’t know he had until he had “Money!” I did make him a appointment with an “Investment Broker,” and he attended the appointment, but never followed through with the plan. So sadly, in almost a little less than a year the money was GONE!! YUP! No Shit!
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So, my point is most likely obvious, be careful what you “WISH FOR!” Like the sayings go,
“Money Changes Everything” ~ “MO Money Mo Problems”  .  .  .  .
And please gamble and play responsively!
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God Bless All,
Author, Catherine Townsend-Lyon
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0984478485
“My True Story Of Addicted Gambling”
“It Costs More Then Money ~ It almost Cost Me My Life!”

“Eureka”! I’m Addicted And Need HELP!

Catherine Lyon Author/Writer Writing Challenges , ,

Daily Prompt: Moment of Clarity
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“Tell us about a time you’d been trying to solve a knotty problem — maybe it was an interpersonal problem, a life problem, a big ol’ problem — and you had a moment of clarity when the solution appeared to you, as though you were struck by lightning.”
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“As I sat inside a cold jail cell with red swollen eyes, I thought to myself, “What the Hell am I doing here”? I sat for 5 hours waiting to be processed after the police had come to my home to arrest me. I sat waiting for my humiliating mug shoot, fingers printed, asked questions, and put back in that cement prison for another 3 hours. All the while thinking again about what I’d done, why I was here, and all for my cunning gambling addiction.”

You see, it started many years ago, gambling and I. It started as a casual past time, for a little fun and stress release. Just me and the girls now and then. But one day it all changed, and my past hurts, pains, and anger from all my childhood traumas came knocking on my door, AGAIN. Since gambling addiction is a slow, progressive, and cunning disease, before I even knew what was happening to me I became addicted to it! I learned it was easier to run, hide, and escape all those “ugly pains” from my past childhood with many hours of gambling. I had no idea how to process them in a “Healthy” way. So I began to love gambling more than “Life” itself.
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Slot_machine : Casino Slot Machine Stock Photo
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Now you would think this would be the time when a huge lightening bolt would have come out of the sky and hit me with enough force to make me have an AWE HAW” moment! But no, my life got worse before that moment ever happened while sitting there in that cold jail cell. I had been arrested for “Theft” because of my addiction, and to be “Accountable,” & take “Ownership” of my misdeeds & all for loving to gamble, this can happen when the money runs OUT! You learn more creative ways to find and get money to gamble with. When you become addicted, your mind and thinking gets invaded by the addiction as your thinking becomes distorted. This is “Just” insight, not making excuses. I had sold, pawned, traded, anything good in my life, and had  worked hard for, all to be able to “escape past hurts” and hang out with my new friend, Addicted  Compulsive Gambling.
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Even as I went through the court process, and having a lawyer to  help me, this was not the time I had that bolt of lighting hit me,…. Yet! I was dealing with a “Huge Big Ole Problem.”……..
It wasn’t until a week or so before my sentencing date in court for my crimes, that I had another  friend come knocking on my door. It was evil & my addiction telling me that it would be better for me to just “disappear” from this earth then to go on in life. That “Suicide” was the answer to all my problems, present and past pains. I agreed, and a week or so before I was to be sentenced, I took all my “Bipolar Medications” all at once, as I wanted to just go to sleep and never ever wake up again! YES, that answer was really looking appealing to me.
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Today, I am still very aware “GOD” had a very different plan and path for me! As I lay in my hospital bed, my stomach hurting from being pumped, and feeling disoriented, that was when “FINALLY” the “Bolt of Lighting” hit me. I don’t know if I dreamed it or not, but while sleeping I think I heard these little whispers in my ear or head saying, “I still had too much to do here on this planet”! That is when I had some “clarity “of what my purpose was here on this earth. Not to be an addicted, sick, or hurtful person,…….No, I was destined for greater things in my life. No Lie, as soon as I got home I got on my knees and asked “God” into my life that day. Many in recovery call him their “Higher Power,” but I call him my “GOD”! He answered all my prayers by taking all my Triggers and Urges to gamble away, so I could have at least a “chance” of long-term recovery.

God did answer all those prayers, and MORE! I’m a true “Miracle” of Gods today, as I sit and type a part of my “Life Story” with all of you. It sometimes take walking through all the fear and personal pain, hurts, your past, and a little trauma to get you to a point that you will See, acknowledge  & accept that defining moment in your life. When that “Light-Bulb” goes off over your head, or when that Lighting Bolt hits you! And learning in Recovery that, “That my Past doesn’t de-fine the woman I AM Today!
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I truly believe I was to go through all I have as part of my own life Journey. VERY soon I celebrate my 7 year “Recovery Birthday” on Jan 29th, 2014 ~ From Addicted Compulsive Gambling. Today my life is full & happy! And I have been able to put all my “Demons” to rest with all the hard work in recovery, and always remembering in “A Power Greater Then Myself” in my recovery and in life to keep “Complacent & Relapse” at bay. One on my favorite “Life Tag Lines Is,”……
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“I live life in Recovery, but through it I found my “Passion Of Writing”!
I also believe each one of us has a “Life” story to tell,  and this is a little of mine…….
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**SUICIDE is never an answer from any type of addiction!…. please call the “National Suicide Hotline”** at:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Phone Number
1-800-273-8255 or live chat: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
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*May God Bless You All*
Author, Catherine Townsend-Lyon

DP Writng Challenge Accepted! *Ghosts Of Christmas Past*

Catherine Lyon Author/Writer Writing Challenges , ,
Weekly Writing Challenge: Ghosts of December 23rds Past

“It’s time for a year-end retrospective — but bigger. This week, weave a story about yourself told through the lens of your past December 23rds (or 24ths, depending on which side of the International Date Line you’re on as you read this).”Personal stories that make a larger point almost always resonate with readers. As cultural voyeurs, we’re all interested in the details of each others’ lives that we glean from blog posts, but it’s the bigger life lessons, epiphanies, and shared experiences that draw us in. This week, you’ll write that kind of post — but with a very specific focus”…..
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*As a little girl, I loved the wonders of the “Christmas Season” displayed in colorful lights, wrapping paper and bows, and never being able to sleep, as wanting to hear the pitter patter of hoofs on our roof. They were carefree days. As us kids grew older, we began our own lives in many different directions. By this time, I had been through some childhood traumatic events that NO little girl should ever have to endure. By the hands of two family friends, my life would never be the same, and changed forever.*
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I became a girl afraid of others, especially men, which put a life long strain between my father and I, interfered in my “Quest” to find unconditional love in many of my relationships with not only men, but with women friends as well. I also came from a family of abuse at times, due to over inducement of alcohol with my dad and brother, who also dabbled with drugs.
I guess you could say we were a dysfunctional type of family as when living in this dynamic, you think all families live like this.
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One of our “Christmas Eve” traditions as a family was loading everyone in the station wagon, and go look at all the houses decorated with holiday lights. As we drove past house after house, I would wonder what “those families” were like inside all those “Gingerbread” looking homes.
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Again, as my siblings and I grew into adulthood, getting married, having families of our own, Christmas became one long “Battle” of WHO is going Where, hurt feelings and arguments, because someone was left out of the holiday loop, and more. I began to dread the holidays. I moved away to another state, met and married my “True Love,”  and my brother was on his third marriage and had a son. My older sister married, had three beautiful boys, then lost her husband to cancer, and began her journey as an alcoholic as my parents aided in enabling her for years. My younger sister lived at home with my parents until she was 31, and finally married just before my mom passed away in 2003.
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“This is when our “Christmas” future changed forever!”
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“The very last time I was home for Christmas was after my mom’s passing in August 2003.”
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Fast forward to the future. Dec. 2003 was the very last Christmas my family were together. Except my brother and his son was not among the so-called festive holiday. It was because of a “Dark Family Secret” that came to light. My husband and I came to help my dad through the first holiday season after my mom passed. We drove from So. Oregon to be with him.

It was all so strange. It was like we were all just “Pretending” to be happy, joyous, and soon learned that my mother was the “Christmas Glue” that held our family together. She would cook, bake, and decorate her heart out for the holidays. She was Italian, so she kept everyone in line, with no arguments at Christmas time. Even though my relationship was rocky with her too, “I Loved Her To Pieces”! And again, this was not only the last Christmas I spent with my family, sadly it was the last time I had any contact with my “Father & Two Sisters.
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Now I’m here today, on “Christmas Day.” No kids, no family, no Christmas cards exchanged, no phone calls. Just a Christmas with my hubby and  I, as it feels like just another ordinary day. I sit here and type my feelings about “Christmas” pasts,  I here all the kids outside playing with all their toys that “Santa” has left, and hearing the laughs, joy, and giggles. No, no regrets. It’s just remembering that “Life” goes on, even at holiday time.

Besides, Life in Recovery means I’m never alone. I have a “Higher Power” who is always with me each day. And I’m blessed to have a loving & caring husband too!

Yes, just sitting here remembering all of my Christmas’s Past……
Author, Catherine Townsend-Lyon
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